Small children are hilarious (provided they go away after a little while)

My aunt brought my smaller niece round on Saturday, and hilarity ensued. Small niece enthusiastically climbed the stairs, in search of "kitty".

Kitty was sitting in the window, on the pillow we have placed there so that she can sit in the sun and watch the birds in the garden. She was all curled up with her tail underneath her.

"Kitty has no tail!" said my niece, in distressed tones. I explained that kitty indeed *does* have a tail, see, it's underneath her (pulling tail out from under kitty to demonstrate). Thus reassured, small niece stroked kitty (something she does not generally have the opportunity to do with her own cat, methinks, due to it being quite young and generally running away in the other direction). Kitty was purring.

"Kitty snoring!" she said, in some amazement.

A great government program

One of the greatest things governments can do is find ways of doing things that benefit more than one lot of people - the program the Victorian Government has where long-term unemployed people are trained to do energy and water audits of low-income housing, and then install water-saving/energy saving measures to save energy, water and money for low-income households is a great example - I've written about it before. The fact that it benefits the unemployed, low-income households and the environment is a beautiful example of synergy.

I just received a press release for another fantastic program the Vic Govt has been trialling - the Second Chance at Life Prison Pet Partnership. In this program, prisoners are given a retired racing greyhound to care for while they go through a six week integration and obedience course under the guidance of Greyhound Racing Victoria. (There was a similar program in America). The prisoners benefit, because who wouldn't benefit from caring for a lovely greyhound? Plus, it gives them something really useful to do. The doggies benefit because they get retrained and can go to loving new homes, and their new owners benefit by getting a lovely, well-trained new pet. Win-win-win.

If you want to adopt a lovely greyhound in Victoria, click here.

Useless help desk monkeys

Our help desk staff are an excellent illustration of the expression "if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys". Actually, this is probably an insult to our simian cousins, who with a little training could probably do a better job.

I have been getting an unprecedented amount of spam today, most of which has subject lines like "erection for sexual activity". So I wrote our IT department an email, suggesting that the spam filter was perhaps not perfoming at optimal levels (perhaps it needs nasal delivery technology?).

I get the following back from the help desk monkeys:

Hi Rebecca

There has been an issue lately with spam. Unfortunately we cannot prevent these emails from coming through. Our filters can only block so much without blocking legit emails too.

Regards

IT

You're telling me you can't block email with the title "erection for sexual activity" in case you block, what, legitimate emails about erections for sexual activities?

So I wrote back:
Hi IT

I would have thought e-mails with titles like "Erection for sexual activity", which is one of the ones I just deleted, could be blocked by the spam filter without blocking anything legitimate.

thanks
Rebekka

And got back:

I am sure these words are already included in our filtering system but obviously spam emails are still able to get around the filters.

That's.What.I.Was.Trying.To.Tell.You. Spam filter = not working properly. You.Bunch.Of.Retards.

It's in the subject line. It's not like they've got around it by (a) inserting an image into the email or even by (b) spelling it incorrectly. Sheesh.

I hate to make light of sexual harassment

It's a serious subject. All women should have the right to a working environment free of sexual harassment. But if I worked for Rob Lowe, I'd be demanding a working environment with as much sexual harassment as possible. Phwoar.

And if he would wear a suit, which I could then rip off him, and let me call him Sam Seaborne, all the better. Viz:


Note to self: search teh interwebs for the video of Rob Lowe with two young ladies at the Democratic National Convention in Atlanta. You know what I'm talkin' about.

Note to Rob Lowe: if you need a new nanny, I'm totally up for the job. Please see my CV below.

Qualifications: I have watched every episode of Supernanny. What more can you possible aks for?

Too many eggs? No such thing!

Last week I came across this bit of stunningly stupid science reporting, claiming that "too many eggs" will, well, kill you.

"Middle-aged men who eat seven or more eggs a week have a higher risk of earlier death, US researchers report," it begins.

It continues with various Very Important Sounding Quotations from Scientists, viz:
"Whereas egg consumption of up to six eggs a week was not associated with the risk of all-cause mortality, consumption of (seven or more) eggs a week was associated with a 23 per cent greater risk of death."

And such jovial comments as:
"More egg on our faces? It's really hard to say at this point, but it still seems, if you're a middle-aged male physician and enjoy eggs more than once a day, that having some of the egg left on your face may be better than having it go down your gullet," said Dr Robert Eckel of the University of Colorado and a former president of the American Heart Association."

Of course buried right at the bottom of the article is the key fact:
"Men who ate the most eggs also were older, fatter... and were more likely to drink alcohol, smoke and less likely to exercise"

So fat, old lushes who chain-smoke and eat eggs are more likely to die. EGGS ARE THE DEVIL. GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN. AVAUNT.

Rainbows, lollypops and etc

Apparently, exciting things are happening in my bathroom as I type... the cat is in hiding, as the plumber and our mad Armenian cabinet maker crash and bang and install our new double vanity, made from partially recycled materials and partially plantation timber, with second-hand basins and taps. Hurrah!

I am feeling quite inspired to start the painting (or rather, the tedious preparation for the painting) when I get home... it will probably wear off later though!

I have some beautiful decorative things to put up once the painting is done - a recycled iron bracket, on which I'll put a little shelf for a pot plant, a beautiful ceramic tile by Katie Parker, a ceramic and paper artist, my full length silver-framed mirror (it was a "second" and only cost $25, but I can't tell why, it looks perfect to me) and the beautiful green glass bottles that belonged to my great-grandmother, which will go on top of the mirror cabinet once I have somewhere else to put the cleaning stuff that's up there at the moment (i.e. a shelf above the washing machine).

And we REALLY need the fan/heater/light to go in - I opened the cupboard where we store the cleaning supplies yesterday and noted a great strip of mold across the top. Ugh. I am trying to persuade my PU#2 to install the fan/heater/light as I nearly had a heart attack when the plumber told me how much the supplies alone for the vanity re-plumbing and the taps cost - seriously. Why did my careers counsellor at school never tell me to become a plumber??

Oh that's right, we were supposed to be young ladies. I'm sure young ladies can't be plumbers.

Bloody veritable gold mine, though. But I digress. Where was I?

Oh yes, I really want to put the finishing touches to the bathroom. Bring on the finished thing. Mind you, I am also eternally pessimistic realistic, and am waiting for the phone call to tell me about the plumbing disaster in my bathroom and how I can not possibly have two beautiful basins, new taps and a plumbed in washing machine today, if ever...

Oh the irony

And also, no wonder no-one at work can construct a vaguely grammatical sentence, if this is how they're being taught.

I found this in the Sydney Morning Herald as I was eating my breakfast this morning - without comment from the paper other than the delightful caption underneath the picture, which you can see in my scanned copy. The standards of education these days, etc.

Insanity

Last night I had a most entertaining opportunity to witness some very insane behaviour. It was better than reality television.

It also made me realise a couple of things about people who act like total fruitcakes, viz:
1. Crazy people think everything is someone else's fault. They never stop to consider that if they've come up with an idea, and everyone else thinks it isn't a good idea, maybe it actually isn't. Instead they think that everyone is out to get them, etc.
2. Crazy people think ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING is personal. They can't have a theoretical or abstract discussion or disagree with anyone without hating them.
3. Crazy people are constantly re-writing history in their own heads to fit their warped world view. If forced to face a fact that contradicts their world view, they go nutso.
4. If a crazy person is going crazy, best thing to do is help someone else clear away chairs and ignore it completely. Or at least that's the approach I took. Discretion = better part of valour, etc.

Seriously, there is a role to be played by psychiatric medication here.

Blood pressure competition

On Sunday before brunch, we had a blood pressure competition. Here are the results, from lowest (systolic) to highest:

PU#1: 98/60
Me: 104/66
Hugo: 108/75
Aleixo: 110/77
Joce: 110/66
David: 112/83
PU#2: 128/70

The average blood pressure reading for an adult is 120/80, so according to that, we all have low blood pressure except David and PU#2. PU#1 and I may actually not be getting enough oxygenated blood to the brain, which some people might say explains a lot! I prefer to feel smug about being so healthy, but why on earth I should feel smug about having clearly inherited low blood pressure I'm not really sure.