What not to pack

Much as I'm loving the fact that I'm going to Paris tomorrow (other than of course I will madly miss Hugo), I am, as always, loathing the thought of being crammed into an economy class seat for 24 hours. It's not the flying I hate. It's being crammed into a space too small, with multitudes of other smelly human beings, most of whom I would probably object to strenuously if I got to know them, which I have no intention of doing.

Anyhoo, because I have what the professionals call "sensory issues", it makes the whole thing even harder. I'm uncomfortable, and I can't focus on anything else. To make this more bearable, the first item on my list: valium. Srsly. There is nothing that makes flying better. Except maybe first class. Even so, I'd still be popping a couple of pills (important to note at this juncture that if you're going to sit still for ages on a plane you do risk blood clots, which brings me to item two: asprin - to reduce the risk so I can sleep, which brings me to item three, sleeping pills). In other medicationy thingies,


as you can see, we have the baby wipes (which I rather think may be confiscated as I reckon they're bigger than the allowed size, but we'll see, cortisone cream, deoderant, frequent flyer nasal spray, toothpaste, lavender oil, rosewater eye gel, face moisturiser, body moisturiser, hand cream, body wash, moisturing eye drops and a mini spray bottle of rosewater (I once got stuck next to someone on a plane who farted, the entire way from Singapore to Melbourne. Fragrant precautions are necessary...)

These have been cunningly placed into a toiletries bag, which I got with the DJs gift card Hugo got for pretending he was going to sign up for an American Express card, along with a battery-operated toothbrush, mini dental floss, a facewasher in a separate ziplock bag (in case they confiscate my baby wipes) and my small hairbrush. It all fits nicely in the bag, so that when I go to the loo on the plane, I do not have to carry my see-through bag and everyone will not see my small items. I dunno why I care about this, but I do. A woman's toiletry bag is her own private kingdom...

But woman can not live by toiletries alone. There are other things that must be in the handluggage.


In the front of the bag is an empty water bottle (hydration is v important, as planes make you v dry, and the tiny bottles of water they give you are utterly inadequate as you can drink them in one mouthful. Naturally you are not allowed to take full waterbottles onto the plane as any fule kno that a full bottle of water is explosive and can be used by terrorists). Also, a clean singlet top (I use the ones with built-in bra for plane trips as that way you don't have bra digging into self while trying to sleep), a clean t-shirt, clean socks and clean undies. I will have a shower in Singapore (Qantas club, but anyone can shower in Singapore as you can use the swimming pool, which if you have more than a hour is FANTASTIC). Oh, and a small plush lion called Leo the Lion, as it's nice to have something soft to cuddle while you sleep. Yes, I am approx. six years old.
Oh, also pictured are warm stripey explorer socks, to put on over normal socks. Planes are always freezing.


This is the main part of my handluggage. You can only see one book in the picture, but I have three (I read like the wind), the other two are a Jilly Cooper one about rich people with ponies, and a Marion Zimmer Bradley one called the Fall of Atlantis (lots of pages, small writing). You can see my pillow on the left, in the special pillow case that ties it up in a roll. On the right is a blue blanket. Front is a blue European pillow case, this is to go over the inflatable footstool, which you can't see but you can see a tiny bit of yellow that's the footpump for the footstool,

And here is more detail. Something to put your feet on is utterly, utterly essential. The *most* uncomfortable thing about air travel (in economy at any rate) (and can I just say I hate everyone who doesn't fly economy because I am utterly, totally pea green with envy?) is trying to sleep with your feet in a sitting position. The inflatable footstool (and we're talking full on, actual inflatable ottoman, not some wussy roll thing) is the shit. After Singapore, I am going to put my feet up, unroll my full-size pillow, cover myself in my blanket, take a sleeping pill, put on my noise-cancelling headphones and listen to the Cure's Disintegration on repeat until we land in Paris.

Also in the bag are my iPod, noise-cancelling headphones, extra batteries for both those things, an eye mask, chewing gum, mints, mini packs of nuts, mini packs of prunes, fizzy vitamin & echinacea tablets to ward off the germs of my horrible germy fellow travellers, and a pen and paper, in case I have any Deep Thoughts that should be noted for posterity.

Paris, here I come!